MEMORY OF WINTER YOUTH:

In a place where your head is numb with boredom,
you’re in your teens & parched for a thrill. You look
around for anything to get you started, ignite a
spark, hook you up with some real electricity.
Everything remotely resembling ‘great’ is on the tele,
in another universe away, a place you’ll never reach. You sit
in your bedroom writing songs that sound like everyone else,
but there’s something good in the feeling of making music
that you like, so you keep doing it. It’s not enough,
you walk around, you ride your bike, you look, restless to find
a kindred spirit or a clue, a way to reach that thing you crave
though you don’t know what it’s called or where to find it.
Your eyes keep being drawn back to stuff that everyone ignores,
the mundane, only to you it’s the only thrill in town though
you can’t explain why. These things you collect with your eyes
become ‘yours’, your ‘weird things’, not concealed with any
shame underneath your bed, but hidden out in full view – you’re
the only one who can seen them. You don’t know it, but they’re
your ticket, these poor cousins of high-art. Your songs continue
to sound generic, your art takes ages to make, belying how shallow
your knowledge is. Everyone tells you how good you are, but you’ll
get a real shock when you find out how much better all your fellow
teens are. It’s the best you can do, you scratch around
& take forever to do anything, but you keep coming back to these
‘weird things’. Somehow you happen to meet someone who tells you
there’s a place for people like you. Somehow you find it & they
let you in & when the money runs out somehow someone discovers
your town has set aside funds for people like you, so you can
continue to explore this ‘weird thing’ thrill.
You meet people who unlocks doors, people point to the map to the
road out of town, you’re told you should go in this direction,
but this ‘weird thing’ connection wont let you.
At the last minute you meet someone who gives you the courage
to go with your intuition & you change course, everyone’s shocked
& you like that feeling, confirming you chose right. Everyone’s
surprised when you get excepted at the place where they celebrate
‘weird things’. You meet someone who saves you from being kicked
out when you realise you don’t have a clue what to do or how to
manifest this obsession with anything more that talk & promises.
You find  your ‘thing’ & it’s the best thrill, even when she
leaves you for someone older. Now your have your ‘weird thing’
& nothing else matters, you’re connected to the national grid,
hooked up to source of all electricity. You go with this fabulous
obsession & it feels good.
You still sit in your bedroom writing songs that sound like
everyone else, but now you have your ‘weird thing’.

(K)