Thursday 1st October



Late last night, too tired to stay up any longer, each day is like
walking a tightrope. It takes concentration, the kind that wrings
you dry. I look back on most days & think,
“What the hell did I do today?”, but recovery from anything serious
is a slow process if you want it done properly. Never saw myself as
the nursing type, but when the buck got passed it stopped with me.
I get up with the 6:30am alarm most mornings, glad to be moving
around fast. Clock on in the studio, record for an hour, then clock
on at the lap-top & work on drafts of the new book. An hour on each,
flipping between the two lifts my spirits as I see results emerge.
Then the household stirs & the questions begin, snatched fragments of
conversations in the cracks between rushing to get to the next place.
Serious stuff to discuss that’s given a flicker of time on the run.
Should be sat on the back step, shooting the breeze, finding solutions
as a team swerving pressure. This morning I ignored the alarm & wish
I hadn’t. The body was talking to me like a teenage duvet diving.
I like getting up with the sun, a mug of black tea in my hand,
walking slow to the sound of birdsong.
There’s a Robin on the gatepost every time I pass. The spirit of my
Granddad come to check us out. He always turns up when it hits the fan
or when I need back-up.

So last night I was too tired to stay up any longer, but I had these
new mixes from Rick &, well, I was curious, pressed PLAY.
An hour later, I’m closing up the studio, not tired, but heading
to bed, grinning.

This morning, by the light of a bright Essex sun, I’m listening to
‘Neon Forest Space’ by Oyvind Torvund & asamisimasa,
it fits my mood perfect.


9 thoughts on “Thursday 1st October

  1. A mixed bag this one of ups n downs. Try takking to that Robin they are quite receptive I’ve found. Stuck inside all day on my fifth electrician of the day it’s not our responsibility I keep getting told. No power since 8a.m and no end in sight. What is this culture of non responsibility I seem to be living in?

  2. Your observation about recovery being slow made a lot of sense. Oddly, I just spoke to my dad last night about being drained and unable to concentrate, who said the most helpful thing anybody could’ve: It’s normal under the circumstances. It’s the way any human being would respond. It gets better but it takes time. Wishing you well, glad you are finding much to be joyful about, and thank you for sharing it here.

      • Wise words, but the hardest to remember sometimes. I’ll have to do a little treadmill-running this evening, but it will pay off and I’ll breathe much easier afterward. Always a joy reading your comments!

      • Thanks Dave, I love to read your comments too. We are all climbing mountains, the view from the top is stunning 😉

  3. Can´t help myself but absolutely love this diary entry by you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and emotions…..from heart and soul. Been listening to ‘8 Ball’ today many times and i felt…..happy 🙂 Your voice does that to me…and the vibes of Underworld…every day, always. Hugs x

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