HEAVY HUMMING & ANIMAL DREAMS:
Awake a lot last night, up walking the corridors. This time
the legs work with purpose, the body & head in sync do what
they’re meant to. Six times I checked on your breathing,
every time I was about to fall asleep I’d get this feeling,
‘Maybe this is the one time I don’t check you & you really
need me’. I remember as a small child waking up in the night
not being able to breath, well, more like ‘forgetting how to’.
I’d forgotten all about that ’till now. It was terrifying
for a little kid to not be able to breath or call out for
help, like drowning alone. The night is full of aeroplanes,
not jets, but real old-school prop planes, big ones, humming
heavy to themselves in the sky. It’s like a hole has opened
in time & the night is full of the past. It’s exactly like back
when I was a kid (the kid thing again), planes humming loud
as they cruised high above our little backwater town.
Oblivious to us worker ants sleeping in the dark beneath them.
Back then I used to wonder who or what was flying so late at
night & where they were going. Where had they come from & what
were they carrying that was so important to wake us. Planes were
for people with money & when I heard them I felt small,
insignificant. Some kids may have heard them & been inspired to
be pilots, but I never believed I’d ever be rich enough to get
near one let alone ‘fly’.
I fall into deep mini sleeps & dream of Cats & chickens living
in harmony. Stretched out in front of the Aga, curled up together.
It’s a weird & beautiful sight that makes me feel good, like
everything’s OK & in it’s place. As I watch the Cats asleep with
the chickens I feel good protecting them making sure their gentle
harmony remains unthreatened. The house feels peaceful the more
they stroll around the house. Cats keep appearing, each with it’s
own chicken. Walking serene & slow, like they’ve found sanctuary.